» writing is hard, but my life currently isn’t.
  • writing is hard, but my life currently isn’t.

    Jan 21st • Posted in personal

    Writing is hard. Even trying to figure out an opening for this blog post was difficult.

    For a long time, I struggled to type words for a post because I put this strange internal pressure on myself. I know not many people read my blog– so why do I have to feel compelled to write something long and meaningful? Maybe that’s because I want to blog only when I feel like I have something of worth to say. I use my blog to vent, I use my blog as an outlet for my frustration, and I use my blog as a safe place to write. But lately, I haven’t been using it for any of these things. I’ve been trying to find the reasons why, but it’s all a messy pile of shit and excuses I’ve given myself.

    At one point, I loved writing this blog. I waxed poetic and nostalgic about my dating life simply because my dating life was nonexistant and it really, really sucked. These days, my life is full of love with a wonderful man. I’m not learning about more about myself because I already know who I am and what I’m about. I’ve taken a long time to learn those lessons, but now that I have– there’s not much to wax about.

    The only sources of stress and anxiety in my life are my health, my relationship with my family and my career. Most of which I don’t willingly discuss because I’m too busy dealing with them in reality. I hate writing about my life because it’s so routine– I’m not doing anything too special, and I’m not taking that much away from it. I know that other bloggers write about their routine lives and other things– but that’s not the type of blogger that I am, nor the type of blogger that I want to be. It’s fine for others, but I like to write personal essays that show that I’ve grown, or at least prove that I’ve learned something.

    My writing is a hot mess, but my life isn’t.

    I currently choose life.